Time and Scene 09/03/09

My dream. I'm time warping and heart broken.
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(This saying keeps ringing in my head...)

"His name is Matt. Remember his name." As if we were meant to be together somehow...?

No matter. Continue on to my dream...

I found myself lost and disoriented, sitting in a cloud of Arizona dust in the middle of nowhere. 'Where was I?"

Still dizzy and reeling from the effects of sifting through time, I was starting to regret this wish and already started missing my family. ***flashback to the last time I saw them***

It was summer of 09. My family and I were walking through the strip malls of Las Vegas, NV. I was not in a particularly great mood. Hungry, hot, and tired, I wanted nothing more than to go up to our room to sleep and be let alone. We have been shopping all day, I was just about done with the madness.

Looking around the mall, I spot a cool spot to sit at a buffet restaurant. At this point I'm beyond hungry. I was just interested in the decor of this particular place.

I didn't realize I was sitting and taking up space in their lobby. I had just borrowed an extra chair, sat it against a random wall and sat there in contemplation.

Not realizing I looked rather odd by being alone, a waiter stops by and asks me, "Oh honey, have you lost your parents?" He was bent down as if I were this 12 yr. old lil girl. Peeved, I smile and reply, "Why, do I look like I'm lost?" I was holding up my photo ID, clearly giving off I was much older than I looked. He apologized for intruding on me, and went his own way. I was content here. I wanted nothing more than to sleep.

Just as I was about to doze off, my family comes barging in. My loud little brothers, my quiet and brooding step-dad, and my annoying questioning mother. It was a buffet. I knew they were going to find this place sooner or later.

They see me hanging out "invisible" from them, and decide to bother me even more. My mom dumps her bags and her purse on me and runs off with Dexter to find a table. Meanwhile, my step-dad is just trudging along, all the while looking back at me as if he thinks I'm going to run away. Irritation keeps building up... and I decide to go over there and give her a piece of my mind.

Going over to my mom, I throw all her stuff onto the table and say rather harshly, "Mom! Can't you see I was trying to relax over there? I'm very tired. I need some alone time. Why are you leaving me with all your stuff? You need your purse and bags if you want to keep them. I can't always be looking out for them! You know what, I've had enough of this vacation, I'm going home." She just sits there staring at me blankly, as if whatever I said was just a hissy fit. I was really leaving to go home. Whether it was on a bus or walking.

I leave the restaurant, where I find my step-dad sitting outside eating peanuts. He gives me this worried look that he's afraid of where I'm going. I just shake my head at him and walk away from them all into the light of day outside the strip mall. ***That's all I could remember from then...***

Back to where I sat.

I don't know how I knew where I was this time, but I could just tell from the smell of the dirt, I was somewhere in the middle of Arizona. The first thing that hit me: it was dry. Hot but not as hot as I expected Arizona dessert to feel. A little breezy but not a dry, all-consuming wind.

Rubbing my face, I realize I'm brushing away salt encrusted tears. Why had I been crying?

I was still sitting in a heap of dust, when a red rubber ball comes flying my way. I hear a faint, "Head's up!" The moment I looked up, I automatically held up my hands and caught the ball above my head, barely touching my forehead. My mind was still dazed, but I was slowly opening up to that I wasn't the only living person up here.

Up here meaning, I was sitting on top of very flat area of the Grand Canyon. A few miles behind me was the Colorado River, ready and waiting for anything to fall in.

I looked across the way and saw five figures standing, staring, squinting to see who or what it was that got their ball. I didn't realize someone from their group was running over to check the situation out.

Still sitting there dazed, I feel someone approaching me cautiously.

Black short cropped hair. About 6'2''. He wore a black muscle tank, and dark washed jeans. Bent over with hands on over his knees, he squints at me asking, "Hey, where'd you just come from? You were there, and then you weren't there..."

My mind flips into protective mode. No one must know what I have been doing, or I am going to have to this journey sooner than planned.

Looking him straight in the eyes, I say, "I parachuted from the sky. My plane was going down and I had to get out." He looks up, looks around, and throws his arms out as if still questioning.

"You know, I don't see a trail of exhaust through the air, nor remnants of a used parachute... but whatever you say. As long as you're alright." He gives me his hand, and I take it to get up. I'm still holding their ball.

He's still staring at me inquisitively. As if he knew who I was. As if he was figuring me out already. I couldn't have that. The last time that happened, it got me to where I was right now. This journey I was on, was my quest to stay the hell away from falling in love again.

But something in my head kept saying, "His name is Matt. Remember him." Shaking myself from my delirium, I look over at the group of people he was with and motion to him, we should head back over. He accepts me as an addition just like that.

A girl with short brown hair sees me with him. I can already sense her protectiveness for him. She is in love with him and he doesn't know. Looking at her only, she was about to approach me with a fake smile but I could see, she already branded me as enemy. I was already used to this.

Everyone else comes forward and shakes my hand. "Hey, I'm so and so. Hi I'm so and so..." All the while, everyone is looking at the guy beside me. As if they were unsure to be freaked out, or calm about the matter.

A random girl just appeared in the middle of nowhere, supposedly from nowhere. Were they not supposed to question that?

No matter. They accepted me into their group and I started playing ball with them. It was a combination of basketball, soccer, and football. And it seemed, the longer I played with them, the worse I got with playing. I stopped catching the ball, I ducked, I threw too short. They were starting to get annoyed with my sudden lack of energy. The line was drawn when they threw two balls. I caught the other and let it rest on the ground by my feet, and ran as fast as I could to grab the one going towards the edge of the cliffs. Everyone was shouting at me to hurry, to grab it before they lose another one.

I was going to beat it. I was going to make it and save the ball from it's untimely death. But something inside me make me slow down, and watch it roll over the side. Everyone groaned in disappointment and yelled at me for being slow. I stood there thinking, "That could be me going over the edge. They could have had their ball if I had sacrificed my momentum by cutting it close trying to get that ball. It's just a ball!" I said that to myself, but I knew, my first impression to this action just erased all goodness they had in mind of me.

I look back at them. They already started walking away. Everyone except the guy who wasn't afraid to help me.

I was not surprised. At the same time, I was annoyed. Who was he trying to be the good guy and pretend he cared about this strange girl? I walked over to him and he lead me to where ever it was they lived.

Turns out they all lived together in a group home. They were all from broken families and considered each other brothers and sisters. They gave me a spare room that was close to his room. He still hadn't told me his name. But I suspected through intuition, it was Matt.

It's the next day. I wake up to go wash up. I walk into the rest room and pass him along the way. He was in the room next to it, fixing his hair. I saw him look at me from the reflection of the mirror. My heart jumped at the gaze he gave me. I was scared. I slammed the door to the restroom, eliciting annoyed responses from the rest of the house.

Fast forward through the mundanity. . .

I can do that. Fast forward through my day. If it's not worth remembering, I'll just skip the whole lot.

I'm in a store that feels particularly like a Walmart. I'm in the sock aisle. Why? Just because. I had run over here to get away from him. He was my "guardian," watching over me and at the same time, learning too much of me. I was getting scared. I hated being this vulnerable.

He was starting to notice I walked a few milliseconds faster than everyone else. If someone with a good eye, sat down and watched me. They might see the difference. But only someone special with that keen of eyesight and that open of mind could see it so clearly.

I remember him stopping me when were walking along the sidewalk through a throng of people. He said as he watched me navigate through the people, it was as if they opened up to my presence as I just seemed to glide effortlessly through them. A shimmer of gold around me seemed to pull me through them... and it just seemed somehow, no matter what time or what pace, I was moving through everything so much faster. He told me this, and this is why I am in a store like Walmart hiding in the socks department.

I hated this part. The part where I'm trapped in this part of life. This part of a world where I don't belong. I am moving too fast, and I can't stop it. I can't go back to my family, because they're already gone. The only thing I can do is keep moving forward and just suck up to what I'm learning to like again, but will soon lose again from the unpredictability of warping.

He finds me crouched over an open bag of socks. Holding out his hand, I grasp it ever so lightly. I'm looking away from him, but he isn't taking it. His other hand brushes my hair from my eyes, and at this, I finally look up at him. I'm shy. I'm vulnerable. I'm broken.

He says he isn't trying to fix me or keep me. All he wants is to show me how to love and live again. He is hugging me ever so gently. My heart is dying. He doesn't know. But I'll let this last chance run it's course. I'm realizing, this is the reason for my journey. I needed to learn this, I was meant to know him before I go. (12:12pm)
---end of dream---